Written by Candace on January 23, 2014 | 4 Comments

Knowing When To Fight

Knowing when to fight is just as important as knowing how to fight.

For some reason, I tend to want to have serious conversations late at night. They never end well because they stir up emotions which aren’t handled well when you don’t have the energy needed. This became an issue for us and thankfully I heeded my husband’s advice and we no longer have serious discussions of any kind late at night.

Knowing when to fight is just as important as knowing how. There is so much wisdom in this quote. Too much to unravel all in one blog post, but I’ll simply address the first portion of the quote – knowing when to fight. If you are continually struggling in the same areas of your relationship, I’d recommend starting to deal with them offensively instead of defensively. Here’s what I mean.

Let’s say that you and your spouse constantly fight about whose turn it is to do the dishes, take out the trash, or do the laundry. Don’t wait until the heat of the moment when both of you are too tired to communicate in love. Set aside a night when you can both emotionally and mentally prepare yourselves and have the difficult and much needed discussion then. Together, discuss and make a plan for who will do what and when. Try the plan out for awhile and reconvene if things still aren’t working until you find a plan that fits.

We had to apply this tactic recently ourselves. Vitaliy and I realized that we could potentially start having serious conflict about finances. Instead of waiting for the conflict, we decided to respond offensively. We now set aside every Monday night with another couple and are currently going through the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace series. Making this investment for our relationship and the future of our family has been huge. We’re becoming more and more unified when it comes to our finances.

What are you struggling with in your relationship or marriage? Be proactive instead of reactive and pick the right time to have the difficult discussions you need to have. Don’t avoid the problem and hope it will go away. Do the work. Be intentional. And make your marriage happen!

Knowing when to fight is just as important as knowing how

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Written by Candace on January 16, 2014 | 11 Comments

I Just Don’t Love You Anymore

We just grew apart. We woke up one day and realized we weren’t in love anymore.

You’ve heard this before, right? Or perhaps, you are currently having these thoughts yourself. People can grow apart and people can stop loving each other. But you don’t just wake up one day and come to that realization. There is a slow and steady progression for that to happen. And guess what – you can take steps to prevent both from happening. And even if you do find yourself there, you always have the option to grow back in love with each other. It’s never too late! Love never fails. Don’t give up. Do the hard work.

After going to the Making Things Happen conference last October, Vitaliy and I started doing the MTH Powersheets together. A lot of people attend the MTH conference for business reasons, which we did as well. But there were also a lot of things in our personal lives that we were hoping to address too. There ~~were~~ are things we need to change in order to protect our marriage and continue laying a strong foundation for the future. These powersheets are helping us do that and more!

I think a lot of marriages get into trouble because the couple starts out on the same road, but then at some point they hit a fork in the road. Without consistent and honest communication, it’s easy to get separated at the fork. You’re both still moving and progressing forward, but then one day you look over and see that your spouse is no longer on the same road, the same life path as you. It’s important to share your goals and dreams with each other. To make sure they’re headed in the same direction. To work through the spots that aren’t. And come up with a plan together. The key word there being “together”.

These powersheets were created to help individuals accomplish their dreams and goals and do the things that matter most to them in life. However, if you are married, your goals and dreams no longer affect only you. It’s important that your goals and dreams are complimentary to your spouse’s. They must work in harmony or you will likely find yourselves drifting apart.

Vitaliy and I just started using these sheets so we are no experts. But they have helped us already in tremendous ways – both personally and as a couple. There is nothing magical about them. But they can help you make small changes in your life that can develop into the big changes you’ve both been wanting – personally, professionally, and in your marriage.

Remember, if you want a marriage that works, one that is full of life, then you have to plan for it. You have to build a strong foundation. These worksheets are a tool that we use to invest in ourselves and as a result in our marriage. They help us to live with intentionality. At the very least, read Lara Casey’s blog to find some encouragement of any kind today. She’s the creator of the powersheets and definitely someone worth following.

Does this resonate with you? Click “Like” on the post or leave me a comment. We are focusing on being intentional in our marriages this month. I hope you find this tool helpful or I hope it sparks an idea on how you can be more intentional in your own relationship. Let’s make marriage happen this year! Please share this with a friend because, always remember, you are not alone.

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Written by Candace on January 14, 2014 | 20 Comments

Be Intentional
Make Marriage Happen

I love the start of a new year. But to be honest, I’m not really a big fan of resolutions.

This year I decided to have a motto instead of multiple resolutions. “LESS IS MORE.” I hope to keep that in the forefront of my mind and remember that it’s all about progress not perfection.

With my motto in hand, I decided to use it to simplify blogging. I already decided last year to only blog 2 – 3 times per week, which worked brilliantly, but I could still improve on my consistency. To help me narrow down my focus in the “relationships” section of our blog, I’ve chosen to pick a theme for each month. I read a wonderful quote yesterday by Kamal Farah that has stuck with me.

There is no solution but to live together, not to survive together, but to live.

Vitaliy and I decided when we were married that we would never get a divorce. We won’t even bring up the word. But we also agreed that we wouldn’t live in a lifeless marriage. That leaves us with only one option – to make it work! We all enter marriage with our own expectations and dreams, but the reality rarely matches up. Cultivating a good marriage takes work. As unromantic as that sounds, the sooner you accept it as truth, the sooner you can get to making your marriage everything you want it to be.

One thing that hasn’t changed in the new year is my passion for marriage. Mine and yours. Let’s make marriage happen this year! Regardless of how things are going in your marriage, whether good or bad, we need to be intentional. That’s our January theme – be intentional! If you want a marriage that works, you’ve got to plan for it.

I hope you’ll join us! You can find us on Instagram or Facebook. We’d love to hear from you. We’ll be using #beintentional and #makemarriagehappen when sharing our ideas. Before you do anything, share this with a friend who may need some encouragement too because you’re not alone.

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