Written by Candace on January 29, 2014 | 5 Comments

Date Idea: Maintenance Nights

What a way to start off the new year! I have thoroughly enjoyed every minute of our Make Marriage Happen series with you so far. Thank you for all the encouraging feedback!

Today is our last post for January’s #beintentional challenge. And it only seemed right to save the very best for last. For this month, our hope was to encourage you to be intentional in your relationship or marriage. Don’t just hope that things will change or get better, you have to take steps, baby steps, towards making your marriage everything you want it to be. If you walk away with anything, walk away and apply what I’m going to share with you today.

For Vitaliy and I, having an unhappy marriage is not an option so we have to find ways to make it work. When you conquer one area in your relationship, don’t worry, another one will pop up that needs your attention. That’s just the way marriage is – bringing together two imperfect people will leave you with these kinds of results. This is how we do it in our relationship – maintenance nights.

Date nights can turn into maintenance nights. Sometimes you’ve had a hard week and the two of you just need a break from life, to go out, have some fun, laugh, kiss, in order to remind yourselves that you’re in this thing called life together. Other times you are each other’s reason for a bad week and in this case your date night likely needs to be turned into a maintenance night. You need to check in, have honest conversation, potentially cry, possibly forgive, get back on the same page, kiss, and go back out and conquer life…together. And to be honest, some of the best date nights include a little bit of fun and a little bit of honest communication, so it doesn’t have to be an either or situation.

In case communication is something you struggle with in your relationship, here are some questions to help you get started. Feel free to write one or two down and bring along for your next date night. Ask with vulnerability. Listen with love. And speak with respect. My hope and prayer is that this idea will change your relationship one step, one conversation, at a time.

And in case money is your reason for putting off date night, here’s one of our best date nights ever and it was under $3. It included laughter, tears, and a lot of honest communication.

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Written by Candace on January 28, 2014 | 3 Comments

Calendar Syncing vs. Calendar Sinking

When I wrote down a few notes to prepare for this post, I titled it Calendaring Sinking. I’m not sure if that is a reflection of my spelling ability, or the lack their of, or my inability towards all things tech-y.

Thankfully, my husband always has my back and he’s a really good proofreader. Otherwise, you might be thinking that I’m asking you to drown your calendars which I’m sure some days we’d all like to do just that.

Vitaliy and I were first inspired to sync our calendars after hearing Mark Driscoll share how he and his wife approach it. They get together every Sunday or Monday night and share what they each having coming up, how they can support each other and then they sync their calendars at this point. Its a very good way to prevent conflict, practice communication, and stay on the same page all before the week even starts.

To make things even easier for us, Vitaliy and I completely synced our calendars together by having shared google calendars. This way we’re always up to speed with what’s going on in each others lives. What has also worked for our relationship too is that I’m the designated social chair for our family. I gather all the invites, scan our joint calendars, go over our options with Vitaliy, and then schedule or decline based on what we decide together. This is something that gets easier and easier over time as we learn each other strengths and what works best for us as a couple.

We’re now currently trying to incorporate this concept for our business life. We’re not only husband and wife, but also business partners and have to therefore communicate even more in order to stay on the same page. Managing expectations is a constant juggling act, but I think we’re finally finding something that works for us. It’s all about trying something out, communicating more, refining it, and working together to implement the process together. Then repeating that same sequence if needed.

Give it a try! I don’t have children yet, but I imagine running a household together is a lot like running a business together. You have to plan, communicate, and manage expectations. A simple and necessary place to start is by getting your calendars syncing, not sinking. The syncing will actually prevent your relationship from sinking.

Happy Tuesday! How do you handle planning and calendar scheduling in your relationship? I’d love to hear your ideas in the comments below! Let’s make marriage happen by being more intentional in the smallest of ways.

Styling by the lovely Kate from Style Smaller.

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Written by Candace on January 24, 2014 | 5 Comments

Take Note Of
The Good

Let’s just go ahead and say those four lovely words we all love to say, Thank God It’s Friday!

This week has been an exceptionally difficult one. Emotionally. There really is no big secret or reason behind the emotions other than the fact that I’m a woman. But my poor husband has been so incredibly supportive through it all. He constantly teaches me what patience and grace look like through our marriage and the way he loves me.

In marriage, and really in all aspects of life, it’s so easy to focus on the negative. For example, if you were to tell me 9 good things about me and 1 negative thing, guess which item my mind will be mulling over. The one negative! Don’t we do this with our spouses? We keep track of all their wrong doing and quickly lose track of all the good.

I love this idea that Kate from StyleSmaller shared with us about how she is being more intentional in her marriage. She decided to make a conscious effort in keeping track of the good and forgiving and extending grace for the not so good. She started this journal to help her remember the sweet good things that she doesn’t want to soon forget. Here’s a snapshot we took of her new thankful journal.

Whether it’s a physical notebook, or possibly a notes tab on your phone, let’s start taking note of all the good things we can be thankful for regarding our spouses. There will be so many more than we think. Focus on the good. Be intentional. Make your marriage happen!

Let’s start right now! Leave me a comment and share one big or small thing your spouse did for you this week that you don’t want to soon forget. Go!

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