Ravi+Jessica
Marriage
In Focus

Marriage Advice from Jessica and Ravi

Ravi and Jessica have been married for two years and now have a sweet baby girl named Arya. Below is my interview with them both. I love what they had to say about marriage, so true! I hope you enjoy!

Q. How many years have you been married? When is your anniversary?

A. September 3, 2011 (A little more than 2 years)

Q. How did the two of you meet?

A. Jessica and I met through a mutual friend, who first introduced us in December 2006. The following year, I crashed Jessica’s birthday celebration in Palo Alto. A few weeks later, we accidentally crashed a stranger’s birthday party at a club and discovered our mutual obsession with 80’s pop music.

As the clock struck Midnight on New Years 2011, I proposed to her in front of some of our closest friends, and we were married later that year.

Q. What is one thing you wish you would have known before you got married? Possibly something you’ve learned over the years that could help another couple out.

A. Marriage requires a lot of work. You don’t just wake up one morning and have a successful marriage. There are going to be highs and lows, and you may not see the outcome of your work for some time, but like most things that require effort, it’s a great feeling when you can look back and see that you got it right.

You and your spouse are partners. It’s not about deciding who is right or wrong, but working together to find the best solution.

Q. What’s been a favorite date of yours whether while you were dating or now that you’re married with children?

A. One thing we’ve done since we first met is try a lot of different restaurants wherever we are. From burger joints on the side of the road in Napa to fine dining at one of the many great restaurants in the Bay Area, we’ve always had a great experience.

Throughout our relationship, we’ve grown closer over a great meal. Each 3-hour-long tasting menu or basket of French Fries has given us a memorable story and ideas for our next dates.

We’re In This Together

kiss-on-the-cheek

A few years ago someone implied that I sugar coat the things I share publicly whether on my blog or via Facebook.

Whether she meant it to be or not, I took it as a compliment. I do make an effort to share things that are positive and uplifting. Life is not easy for anyone, so I don’t find it beneficial to others to regurgitate life’s hardships, many of which are a fault of my own shortcomings. With that being said, I also took it as constructive criticism and kept it in the back of my mind as a personal reminder to be real.

The date ideas we share and the relationship advice I give is not because we’ve got it all together. And it’s definitely not because we’re experts at marriage. The date ideas are meant to inspire. When I recommend going apple picking, it’s less about the apple picking and more about reminding you to invest in your relationship. Maybe apple picking is out of the question for you in this season of life, but you can grab some apples and caramel dip on your way home from work today and have a little treat and devote some quality time to your spouse.

Though I’ve also been accused of having it easy in marriage because “our personalities and temperament help Vitaliy and I get along easier than other couples,” I would beg to differ. Marriage is hard for every couple it’s just that people’s issues look differently. When I share relationship advice such as the “lie of pushing through” it’s because I am really struggling with this in my relationship. And I think to myself, maybe somebody else is too so I share about it. Guess who’s just pushing through again? We are! You’re never going to “arrive” in marriage. If you want it to last, it’s going to take hard work always.

Let’s not be people who think our relationship is better or worse than the other. I’m guilty of both. Let’s remind ourselves that we all have moments in our marriage like the picture above, filled with laughter and playful kisses. But we also all have moments filled with real problems and pain. Nobody is better than the other. We’re all in this together. Let’s just not give up.

The Lie:
Just Push Through

A friend asked me yesterday if I enjoy marriage. My answer was yes, and then I ended with a big fat BUT.

BUT…

It totally depends on how much you decide to invest into the relationship. Vitaliy and I photographed 5 weddings in the past month. That doesn’t include other projects or shoots that we also worked on. About halfway through the month, we both began to see and feel the effects the busy season was having on our relationship. We started to neglect our marriage and could tell by the way we were treating one another.

In the past, we would have just told ourselves to push through. That things would work themselves out once we got past this busy season. But we learned the hard way that it just doesn’t work that way. Putting off the necessary attention your relationship needs will only make things more difficult when you finally decide to face the issue.

This time when things started heating up, we looked back on the years past. We chose to get our priorities straight and put our marriage in it’s rightful place. What our relationship needed most was time; we each needed some undivided attention. But if you are like us, who has extra time? It’s true, something had to be sacrificed in order to find the time. But I never had any regrets. I know we wouldn’t have made it through our three wedding weekend as a unified team if we hadn’t made the investment the week before. It was another reminder that other areas of life benefit when we keep our priorities right.

Another favorite from Jeffrey and Phoebe’s wedding.

j-p-wedding