Vitaliy and I are sitting at a cozy coffee shop in Portland while I write.

This will be our last post in our Make Marriage Happen series for February: Be Affectionate. We wanted to make it good so we spent the last hour talking through ways we already show affection in our relationship and ways that we could improve. To start our conversation, we did a little research and found that the use of the word “affection” has dramatically decreased at the end of the 19th century. Have our acts of affection decreased as well? Let’s hope not. And if they have, let’s turn things around. One marriage at a time.

Affection: expressing love by doing something selfless.

Here are 10 ways to express affection in your relationship. I hope you find them helpful!

1. Listen, don’t offer advice, just listen.
2. Spontaneously hold hands, touch, scratch their back, squeeze, hug, kiss, caress.
3. Cuddle for no reason and see how perfectly your bodies fit together.
4. Anticipate each others needs and act on them before they ask for help.
5. Volunteer to do the very thing you know the other person loathes.
6. When it comes to making love, do the thing you know they enjoy most.
7. Make yourself attractive for each other, just like you did when you were still dating.
8. Maintain eye contact when talking with each other. Look into those eyes and really see inside.
9. Sit next to each other. Be by each others’ side. A posture of togetherness.
10. Follow with trust. Sometimes the best way to love is through entrusting yourself to another.

Make the first move. If you want affection, show affection. Love without expectation. Be selfless. And make marriage happen!

I couldn’t think of a better way to start off my year than with the Make Marriage Happen series that we’ve started on the blog.

I have received positive feedback from so many of you. Thank you! It’s definitely challenging me and stretching me in so many ways. But with all risks and hard work comes great rewards and my heart is definitely full. I hope the series encouraged you to find new ways to be more intentional in your relationship or marriage.

With February upon us, the month of love, I wanted to do something in line with that but tweak it a little bit. This is the theme for February – be affectionate. Please, do not wait until February 14 to show your affection to the one you love. And please do not let February be the only month you make the extra effort. Let’s find small and meaningful ways to express our love and affection on a consistent basis.

“Affection is responsible for nine-tenths of whatever solid and durable happiness there is in our lives.” ~C. S. Lewis

Along with “fond attachment, devotion or love” dictionary.com defines affection as “the act of affecting; act of influencing.” That is what our expressed affection should do to those we love – it should affect them. I hope it brings them joy. And hopefully it should influence them to want to also express and share their love.

If you follow us on Instagram, I posted a picture of an “I love you” sign that Vitaliy surprised me with when I went to grab something off the printer. I was tired and overwhelmed, but this simple expression of his love for me completely affected me. I was smiling inside and out and it energized me. But it also influenced me. I had only moments earlier been allowing anger to build up in my heart. And then this small act of grace influenced me to want to love instead of judge.

I hope you’ll join us again this month in making marriage happen. We’d love to hear from you. We’ll be using #beaffectionate and #makemarriagehappen when sharing our ideas. Before you do anything, share this with a friend who may need some encouragement too because you’re not alone. Let’s do this together!