Let’s just be honest folks, life is hard. Sometimes, really, really hard.

Yesterday I sat at my favorite coffee shop while a man proceeded to throw up his arms and drop the f-bomb because the two young baristas couldn’t get his toast just right. The guy left and I went up to the counter to make sure the two people who were trying to serve him weren’t going to have their day ruined because of his bad attitude. I don’t care how they toasted that bread, there was no way they were ever going to please him. I retold this story a few times yesterday always calling the guy the “scary man”. But this morning as I think about him, I feel bad for him. I cannot imagine what he has gone through or is currently going through that has left him in such a state of unhappiness. Life has the ability to do that to us, if we let it.

But I say, let’s not let it! Playfulness has been a key part of our relationship very early on. And it helped us get through some very trying times. I remember back in Ukraine in 2005 after the accident, Vitaliy and I would often watch this video when we needed a good laugh. It’s so silly, but it always took the edge off when we needed a break. Laughter does wonders in life, and in marriage.

I imagine that some of you reading this could be going through some difficulties in life that could be affecting your marriage. Or perhaps, it’s your marriage that is the difficulty in your life. Either way, I recommend finding some ways to incorporate some playfulness into the mix. Just be stupid silly together. Find a way to laugh so hard your stomach hurts. And I hope it reminds you of other times you laughed together and enjoyed each other. Because that is the person you fell in love with and married. You just might need to look at them in a new light.

It won’t fix all of your problems or make everything better. But it will give you the break you need to keep persevering. Be playful! And let’s Make Marriage Happen!

I recently came to the realization that I do not know how to be a wife.

Well, let me clarify, I obviously know a few things if I’m still married after almost 8 years and I’m quite certain my husband would tell you that he’s happily married. But what I do mean is that I still have a lot to learn. As a wife, I am given the special and unique role of being my husband’s helper. Now, some women might hear the word helper and find offense at such a role, but I’ve recently started to realize the weight of the position I’ve been given. I feel like I’m only starting to scratch the surface. But I’m thankful my eyes are being opened and I’m maturing into my role. But honestly, that’s the part I feel pretty clueless about, however, it’s also the part that excites me the most. I want to learn how to be a better helper because I know that’s getting to the good stuff. If I can be a better helper, I’m confident that it will encourage Vitaliy be a better leader and provider.

But all this got me thinking further. I already know one thing that Vitaliy needs from me: affirmation. It’s a form of respect. He needs me to believe in him no matter what. But let’s just be honest, this is not always easy. I’ve been taught my entire life that respect needs to be earned. Yet, it’s clear to me through trial and error that respect, affirmation and trust have the strongest effect when they are not conditional. This is revolutionary thinking, I know. And it’s very hard. It’s not our natural behavioral pattern. But I want to learn. I want to learn because this is an area of our marriage I’ve often struggled in. But I’m putting myself to the challenge because I feel like I’m onto something.

I know that love believes the best about a person, regardless. And I want to see what will happen in and through Vitaliy if my respect and admiration for him was unshakable. What would happen when he fails and I cheer him on instead of getting upset with him? What if my nagging turned into trusting? What if my belief in his abilities was just what he needed to approach those dreams, where fears were holding him back? These are all the questions I’m asking myself these days.

Any other wives want to take the plunge, fight against our natural instincts, and be the wives we were created to be? I’m going for it! But as you know, I much prefer doing things together.

Let’s make marriage happen! Respect is just what our marriages might need.