Written by Candace on January 24, 2014 | 5 Comments

Take Note Of
The Good

Let’s just go ahead and say those four lovely words we all love to say, Thank God It’s Friday!

This week has been an exceptionally difficult one. Emotionally. There really is no big secret or reason behind the emotions other than the fact that I’m a woman. But my poor husband has been so incredibly supportive through it all. He constantly teaches me what patience and grace look like through our marriage and the way he loves me.

In marriage, and really in all aspects of life, it’s so easy to focus on the negative. For example, if you were to tell me 9 good things about me and 1 negative thing, guess which item my mind will be mulling over. The one negative! Don’t we do this with our spouses? We keep track of all their wrong doing and quickly lose track of all the good.

I love this idea that Kate from StyleSmaller shared with us about how she is being more intentional in her marriage. She decided to make a conscious effort in keeping track of the good and forgiving and extending grace for the not so good. She started this journal to help her remember the sweet good things that she doesn’t want to soon forget. Here’s a snapshot we took of her new thankful journal.

Whether it’s a physical notebook, or possibly a notes tab on your phone, let’s start taking note of all the good things we can be thankful for regarding our spouses. There will be so many more than we think. Focus on the good. Be intentional. Make your marriage happen!

Let’s start right now! Leave me a comment and share one big or small thing your spouse did for you this week that you don’t want to soon forget. Go!

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Written by Candace on January 23, 2014 | 4 Comments

Knowing When To Fight

Knowing when to fight is just as important as knowing how to fight.

For some reason, I tend to want to have serious conversations late at night. They never end well because they stir up emotions which aren’t handled well when you don’t have the energy needed. This became an issue for us and thankfully I heeded my husband’s advice and we no longer have serious discussions of any kind late at night.

Knowing when to fight is just as important as knowing how. There is so much wisdom in this quote. Too much to unravel all in one blog post, but I’ll simply address the first portion of the quote – knowing when to fight. If you are continually struggling in the same areas of your relationship, I’d recommend starting to deal with them offensively instead of defensively. Here’s what I mean.

Let’s say that you and your spouse constantly fight about whose turn it is to do the dishes, take out the trash, or do the laundry. Don’t wait until the heat of the moment when both of you are too tired to communicate in love. Set aside a night when you can both emotionally and mentally prepare yourselves and have the difficult and much needed discussion then. Together, discuss and make a plan for who will do what and when. Try the plan out for awhile and reconvene if things still aren’t working until you find a plan that fits.

We had to apply this tactic recently ourselves. Vitaliy and I realized that we could potentially start having serious conflict about finances. Instead of waiting for the conflict, we decided to respond offensively. We now set aside every Monday night with another couple and are currently going through the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace series. Making this investment for our relationship and the future of our family has been huge. We’re becoming more and more unified when it comes to our finances.

What are you struggling with in your relationship or marriage? Be proactive instead of reactive and pick the right time to have the difficult discussions you need to have. Don’t avoid the problem and hope it will go away. Do the work. Be intentional. And make your marriage happen!

Knowing when to fight is just as important as knowing how

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Written by Candace on January 22, 2014 | 3 Comments

A Year of
Date Ideas

This is the year to MAKE MARRIAGE HAPPEN. This is the year to make your marriage happen.

I believe it can be done one date at a time. The date idea is less about the activity and more about making a conscious investment into your relationship. By setting aside time to focus solely on each other, you are telling your spouse they are your priority. You are also telling yourself that marriage is your priority. Both of which are reminders worth repeating on a consistent basis.

Date nights aren’t just going to happen. You have to plan for them. And then you have to fight for them. To be more intentional about our dates this year, Vitaliy and I trying something new. Here’s the idea – map out a minimum of one date each month. More dates are always recommended, but hopefully this will help you accomplish at least one special date each month this year.

Here are the instructions:

1. Brainstorm 12 date ideas with your spouse. Mix things up with dinners/activities/sight seeing/etc.

2. Once you’ve decided on your 12 for the year, write each idea on a notecard.

3. Then shuffle the notecards and, without looking at the ideas, place them in 12 separate envelopes. Then label each envelope with a month of the year.

4. At the beginning of each month, open up the corresponding envelope and pick a date to make it happen that month. Then add it to your calendar and arrange for childcare if needed.

That’s it! Work together. Be intentional. Make marriage happen.

Styling by Stylesmaller

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