Written by Candace on May 17, 2013 | 3 Comments

How To Keep Newness In A Relationship

I don’t know about you, but sometimes our date nights can be so predictable.

When life gets busy and we’re exhausted, we end up doing the usual dinner and a movie. There’s nothing wrong with that and it’s still one of our favorite things to do together, but keeping things fresh and new can really make a difference to a relationship that is anything but. Though the location and experience isn’t the most important aspect of a date night, doing something the other person enjoys can help express your love and care for them without you having to say a word.

When Vitaliy and I were dating, we were constantly doing fun and spontaneous things together. To be quite honest, I didn’t care what we were doing as long as I was next to him. But after 6 years of marriage, things are different. That curiosity and excitement, the newness of the relationship, has worn off. It used to worry me and I’d wonder if I was falling out of love with Vitaliy. Thankfully, I’ve learned that love is a choice and that curiosity and excitement comes with consistently getting to know the other person.

What a person liked a year ago may not be what they like today. Their likes may have changed or they may have new passions now. In order to add some newness to our date nights and to continue getting to know each other, Vitaliy and I sat down and each made a list of date night ideas we’d personally like. Now, when we’re too tired to think of something more original than dinner and a movie, we can pull out our lists and grab an idea and run with it.

Living near the San Francisco airport with amazing views of the bay, one of the items on Vitaliy’s list was to go watch the airplanes one evening. The weather has finally been warm enough so we set out to enjoy one of Vitaily’s date night ideas of choice. We quickly learned that this was not an original idea as the area was filled with other couples. We just happened to be the only couple under the age of 50. But if I’m still happy sitting next to Vitaliy watching airplanes 20 years from now, then I will know that I’ve accomplished something worthwhile in my life.

Chime in or Share

Written by Candace on May 10, 2013 | 4 Comments

The Cheapest Date Ever

Vitaliy and I once spent less than $3 for a date night.

We spent the evening at a local Peet’s Coffee and ordered a pot of our favorite Lemon Rose tea. We sat across from each other, sipped, and talked. It was nothing elaborate, but we still comment that it was one of our favorite date nights ever. And the funny thing, it was our cheapest date ever.

They’re not all going to be brilliant. There may be weeks when one of you has the time to invest in a detailed plan for the evening. And there may be seasons where you will be able to invest more financially into a night or weekend away. But there will also be times when you are physically or financially depleted. Does that mean date night gets kicked to the curb?

Date nights will look different depending on the season of life. But your relationship always deserves an investment. Because no matter the season, your spouse needs you. And no, it can’t wait for the schedule to slow down or for the bank account to replenish itself. Date night is not about the investment you make into the activity, it’s about the investment you make into each other.

Chime in or Share

Written by Candace on May 6, 2013 | 3 Comments

Opposite Day

Yesterday morning our little neighbor friends came by to deliver cookies. As I opened the door to invite them in, they notified me that it was opposite day.

While I registered what that meant, they handed me a plate of cookies that looked like they had just come out of the oven. These cookies are not homemade and they are disgusting, they said. Wow, so yummy, I thought.

But I got it, it was opposite day. Of course we played along, but the deeper into the conversation we went, the more difficult it was to understand. I laughed out loud and said to Vitaliy, this opposite day game kind of feels like communication in marriage. The girls looked at me funny and asked for an explanation.

Here’s the most common occurrence of this in our marriage.

Vitaliy: Candace, where do you want to eat for date night?
Candace: Oh, I don’t know, why don’t you go ahead and pick.
Vitaliy: Ok, let’s go to (insert restaurant of choice).
Candace: No, I’m not really in the mood for that.

I tell him one thing when, in reality, I mean another. We all do this! I may do it more frequently then he does, but we all do it.

Let’s say what we mean and mean what we say. Because really, playing the opposite game is down right confusing.

Do you catch yourself doing this? What does your convo look like?

Chime in or Share