Vitaliy and I stood in the never-ending line at Chipotle. I was cold and extremely tired. Of course, now, I can’t remember what he did or said, but Vitaliy did something to upset me. As soon as he realized something was the matter, he whispered in my year, I love you.

This was my response: You do realize that when you say I love you, it does not mean I’m sorry.

Apparently, I was as cold on the inside as I was on the outside. Thankfully, Vitaliy always knows how to warm me up and by the time we got our food things were all squared away. But thinking back on the encounter, I completely disagree with myself. Though my feelings agree, I know this way of living will not be good for our marriage.

Forgiveness is warranted regardless of an apology. Apologies are good and I highly recommend them, but forgiveness should not be dependent on receiving them. That’s a tough truth to swallow; at least it is for me. But seeing how often I need forgiveness myself, how can I even think about withholding it from Vitaliy?

The next time you are having a hard time forgiving your spouse, think back to the last time you needed their forgiveness. It may help put things in perspective.

I was talking to a close friend recently who has been married for over 17 years. We were discussing the importance of date nights. With her many years of experience, I wanted to get her opinion. Did I mention she also has four children? This is how she explained it to me.

Date nights are like making investments. Every time you spend, just the two of you, it’s like putting change in your piggy bank. It may not feel like much in the moment, but each investment will add up to be of great value for your relationship.

It’s true that some dates might have different values. For example, watching a movie will not have as much value as spending a weekend away together. But what’s most important is to consistently take time away from everything else to make that investment. In each other.

She told me that when her kids were pretty little, she and her husband were always exhausted. Sometimes they had no energy to do anything big, but they would lay in bed at night playing cards and laughing. It was a very small gesture, but it let the other person know that they were a priority.

So let me encourage you, no matter how much you feel you’re capable of giving, find something to invest. Each bit will add up. And who knows, you may find yourself wanting to give more. But most importantly, let each date be a statement to the other person that they are a priority in your life.

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