Author Archives: Candace

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Be Playful
Make Marriage Happen

Let’s just be honest folks, life is hard. Sometimes, really, really hard.

Yesterday I sat at my favorite coffee shop while a man proceeded to throw up his arms and drop the f-bomb because the two young baristas couldn’t get his toast just right. The guy left and I went up to the counter to make sure the two people who were trying to serve him weren’t going to have their day ruined because of his bad attitude. I don’t care how they toasted that bread, there was no way they were ever going to please him. I retold this story a few times yesterday always calling the guy the “scary man”. But this morning as I think about him, I feel bad for him. I cannot imagine what he has gone through or is currently going through that has left him in such a state of unhappiness. Life has the ability to do that to us, if we let it.

But I say, let’s not let it! Playfulness has been a key part of our relationship very early on. And it helped us get through some very trying times. I remember back in Ukraine in 2005 after the accident, Vitaliy and I would often watch this video when we needed a good laugh. It’s so silly, but it always took the edge off when we needed a break. Laughter does wonders in life, and in marriage.

I imagine that some of you reading this could be going through some difficulties in life that could be affecting your marriage. Or perhaps, it’s your marriage that is the difficulty in your life. Either way, I recommend finding some ways to incorporate some playfulness into the mix. Just be stupid silly together. Find a way to laugh so hard your stomach hurts. And I hope it reminds you of other times you laughed together and enjoyed each other. Because that is the person you fell in love with and married. You just might need to look at them in a new light.

It won’t fix all of your problems or make everything better. But it will give you the break you need to keep persevering. Be playful! And let’s Make Marriage Happen!

Make Marriage Happen Be Playful
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What Your Wife Might Be Trying To
Tell You

Vitaliy

Today is the very last day of June. Where has the time gone?

I’ll end the month with my final post in our Love & Respect series. It’s always great hearing from you when I share. So thank you in advance!

While Vitaliy’s primary need in our marriage is respect, mine is actually love. But more practically speaking, I need to be cared for and feel most loved by Vitaliy when he shows genuine care for me. I thought I’d share a few of the ways that Vitaliy has surprised me with care, in both big and small ways.

1. Toothpaste waiting on my brush in the bathroom at night. Despite the day we might have had, this always puts a smile on my face because it’s a small reminder that he cares.

2. Loving my family as his own. During my dad’s recent trip to the bay area, I was blown away by all that Vitaliy did to take care of my dad and nephew. He definitely went above and beyond and it was so genuine.

3. Grocery shopping. It’s not my thing. But Vitaliy willingly offers to do our grocery shopping because he knows how much I dislike it. And it’s a good thing! He saves us so much more money than I would.

4. Opening the door for me. A small gesture, but one that goes such a long way with me. It’s chivalrous and attractive and always makes me feel cared for.

5. Doing powersheets. The other day Vitaliy worked on his powersheets and then shared his goals with me. As I mentioned before, these powersheets really help us communicate. It was wonderful to hear what’s going on in that head of his – and to know that a lot of his thoughts include me. Goals for our marriage or goals he has to provide for us. Not only did I feel cared for, but it turned me on. Just keeping it real! It’s attractive when a man pursues his goals, especially if those goals are geared towards supporting and providing for his family. Just sayin’.

Now, those are just a few things, some big and some very small. I only shared them to get the ideas rolling. Perhaps you think loving or caring for your wife is about getting flowers or buying her a special gift. And those could be part of it! But I would say more than anything, it’s about anticipating her needs and going out of your way to meet them. Sometimes it may require you to sacrifice a lot, and other times it can be such a simple gesture to let her know that you love her. And if you feel like you want to improve but have no idea what to do, just ask. She’ll feel loved just knowing you care. Ask her to write a list comprised of big and small ways you can better care for her needs.

And ladies, when our husbands do go out of their ways to love us, it’s extremely important for us to take notice and thank them for it. I learned the importance of this earlier this year! So be on the lookout! He may be caring for you already in more ways than you’ve noticed.

Let’s Make Marriage Happen!

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San Francisco Staycation

dad-ashton-vacation

My dad and eleven year old nephew came for a little adventure last week.

We had a whirlwind of a trip! And I am thankful for every single minute I was able to spend with them. Here’s a little recap of our trip in case anyone is planning a bay area staycation or vacation themselves. Every time my dad comes we try to take him on a new adventure, the focus this trip was Yosemite. But it was also my nephew’s first time here so San Francisco was also a highlight. Here are the deets!

In-N-Out. If your guests arrive at lunch or dinner time, then it’s a very easy decision. In-N-Out must be first on the itinerary! It’s conveniently located one exit away from the San Francisco airport which also makes it a no brainer. The palm trees are a nice welcome to California too!

Bay Trail Bike Ride. After getting a good night’s rest, we started the morning strong with a bike ride along the Bay Trail. Bike riding is one of my dad’s favorite past times so I knew it was the perfect way to start the trip. We incorporated a stop at our favorite breakfast joint in San Mateo called The Pantry. This may have been my dad’s favorite part of the trip! The Pantry really is that good.

Taco Bell Beach. My mom spent two years living in the bay area and her favorite little oasis became what she calls “Taco Bell Beach” also known as Pacifica State Beach. She talked about it so much I knew it was a priority for Ashton to make a visit. He even jumped in the water with Vitaliy to experience the frigid waters of the Pacific Ocean. And he came home with lots of treasures he found while exploring.

San Francisco. The following day we explored all of my favorite spots in the city. We drove by AT&T Park, stopped at the bay bridge and walked through the Ferry Building, hiked Lombard Street, and enjoyed a lunch at Pacific Catch in the Marina. We ended our adventures at the base of the Golden Gate Bridge and even got to explore Fort Point which was new for me.

Yosemite. The SF day definitely wore us all out so we were thankful to spend a couple hours driving to Twain Harte, CA where we spent the night before exploring Yosemite National Park. I have a love-hate relationship with Yosemite. The place is incredibly stunning and I am always blown away by God’s creativity. But with my fear of heights, it can often test my nerves. Ashton had only one request, he wanted to see BIG trees, so we started the day with a hike to the Merced Grove of sequoias. We were all blown away! We then drove through the Yosemite Valley and enjoyed it from every view. By that point, we were all ready for a rest and some food so we took a break and enjoyed our picnic lunch. Money saver! And then we ended the day with a sunset hike of the Sentinel Dome. We reached the top and enjoyed 360 views of Yosemite. It was definitely the grand finale of an incredible day!

Columbia, California. To say we were exhausted from our trip to Yosemite would be an understatement. We all slept in the following day and woke up to a big breakfast made by Vitaliy followed by a lazy morning watching Karate Kid. We then packed up and enjoyed a stroll through Columbia, CA. One of my new favorite spots! It’s an old town in the heart of gold country that has preserved its main street. It’s like taking a walk back in time.

The End. I’m not sure if we were still exhausted from Yosemite or just from playing tour guide in general. But on our last day, Vitaliy and I watched the World Cup while my dad took my nephew on the Rocket Boat. We enjoyed Clam Chowder bread bowls at Boudin before ending the entire trip with a hot fudge sundae at Ghiradelli’s Square. My dad’s favorite treat is a hot fudge sundae so I couldn’t think of a better way to end his trip to California.

I can’t wait for our next visitors! Who’s coming? I love playing tour guide because I get to enjoy things I don’t normally get out and explore. With the start of summer, perhaps one or two of the items from our itinerary will make it on your summer to-do lists. Where should we go next? We’re planning an 8 year anniversary staycation for August. I’d love to hear of any hidden gems you enjoy.

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