Written by Candace on March 25, 2014 | 3 Comments

Try New Things

This August Vitaliy and I will be celebrating our 8 year wedding anniversary.

I honestly cannot believe I’ve been married for that long. Nor can I believe all that Vitaliy and I have been through as husband and wife. I suppose I’m not as surprised we’ve made it this far. What I am surprised by is that we’re still in love. We genuinely enjoy each others company. This I know is a blessing.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how different I am because of Vitaliy. His love is constantly changing me. He softens me. But not only that, I like different things because of him. I like sushi and audio books, road trips and moustaches. To name a few. And those are all new to me because of him. He loves those things so I learn to love those things. This is a picture of intimacy.

Sometimes I’ll try something he likes and I don’t end up enjoying it, but he knows I tried. He knows I wanted to learn what he loves. And I get to see a new side of him I didn’t know about. My life has become so much richer because of this “trying new things” he’s taught me. He changes me. I’m not the same girl I was 8 years ago. We change, we’re always changing. But in marriage, your changing should constantly be a changing and a morphing into one. I’m still me, but I’m never “me” at the expense of “we.”

Next time your spouse asks you to try something new, do it. Give it a try. Do it for them, but it may end up being your new favorite thing. And then you’ll get to do it or enjoy it “together.” And that’s what it’s all about, being together.

The latest entry for the Making Marriage Happen series. This month’s theme is on intimacy: be intimate and make your marriage happen.

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Written by Candace on March 11, 2014 | 2 Comments

Date Idea:
Secret Rendezvous

After some travel of my own, I arrived back home around 1am only to help Vitaliy out the door at 6am for a business trip. We were two ships passing in the night.

After almost a week of being apart, Vitaliy sent me a text message and asked me to cancel my plans for the following day and meet him for a secret rendezvous. After being married for 7 years, it’s very easy to lack spontaneity in the relationship. I was on board for anything with the words “secret rendezvous” in them. I met up with Vitaliy on the central coast in a cute little town called Paso Robles. It was only for a night, but it was just enough time.

I had a million and one reasons why I shouldn’t go. I had to cancel plans with a friend. I had a ton of work to get done. The three hour drive would be a waste of gas money. But at the end of the list, all I could think about was how much more important it was that I go – my marriage deserved and needed the investment. Vitaliy deserved my time and attention. And like I said, he had me at “secret rendezvous”.

Sometimes intimacy requires you drop everything, leave it all behind, and go on a secret rendezvous with the person you love most. If they truly are the most important person in your life, then show them with your actions. I promise it will be worth letting go of everything else. Even if only for a night.

Read more about our Make Marriage Happen series for March: Be intimate.

Library building in Paso Robles downtown park

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Written by Candace on March 4, 2014 | 5 Comments

Be Intimate
Make Marriage Happen

Y’all I have really been dreading this month’s theme. Not the theme itself, but how to discuss it in a way that wouldn’t leave people running away.

The Make Marriage Happen theme for March is “be intimate.” Obviously, when discussing intimacy in marriage you’re going to talk about sex. And when I think about that, all I hear in my thoughts is the 90s anthem “Let’s Talk About Sex” by Salt-N-Pepa. And then I digress, who wants to hear me talk about sex? It’s too intimate! It’s too private. But it’s also so necessary. Sex is one of the leading causes for marital problems even though it’s meant to be one of the best things about marriage. Why the disconnect?

While I do hope to find a graceful way to discuss sex in marriage, I think there is one important item I hope to express more than anything. Intimacy is not a synonym for sex. Intimacy is about knowing, about being familiar with. While sex is the pinnacle form of intimacy within marriage, I don’t think it should be the only avenue for cultivating intimacy within our marriages. In fact, I think the more intimate we are in other areas of our marriage, the more fulfilling our sex life becomes.

But what I want to explore and discuss more than anything is the true sense of the word “intimacy”. The act of knowing and deeply understanding. Trusting ourselves to each other. To know and be known can be terrifying, and yet intensely beautiful. That is true love isn’t it? to be fully known and still chosen. But I think there is a part of all of us that fears being fully known.

Even as I write this, as I allow myself to be known to you, I’m afraid. But one of my goals this year is to write about things I’m afraid to share. I’m not sharing this for the shock factor or to gain popularity. My hope is that something intensely beautiful will come from me allowing myself to be known. I want to break down the walls I put up in hopes that you’ll be willing to break down yours. I hope someone reading this can relate and find encouragement. To know that we’re not in this alone. Let’s Make Marriage Happen together. And let’s explore ways we can #beintimate in our relationships.

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