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Ravi+Jessica
Marriage
In Focus

Marriage Advice from Jessica and Ravi

Ravi and Jessica have been married for two years and now have a sweet baby girl named Arya. Below is my interview with them both. I love what they had to say about marriage, so true! I hope you enjoy!

Q. How many years have you been married? When is your anniversary?

A. September 3, 2011 (A little more than 2 years)

Q. How did the two of you meet?

A. Jessica and I met through a mutual friend, who first introduced us in December 2006. The following year, I crashed Jessica’s birthday celebration in Palo Alto. A few weeks later, we accidentally crashed a stranger’s birthday party at a club and discovered our mutual obsession with 80’s pop music.

As the clock struck Midnight on New Years 2011, I proposed to her in front of some of our closest friends, and we were married later that year.

Q. What is one thing you wish you would have known before you got married? Possibly something you’ve learned over the years that could help another couple out.

A. Marriage requires a lot of work. You don’t just wake up one morning and have a successful marriage. There are going to be highs and lows, and you may not see the outcome of your work for some time, but like most things that require effort, it’s a great feeling when you can look back and see that you got it right.

You and your spouse are partners. It’s not about deciding who is right or wrong, but working together to find the best solution.

Q. What’s been a favorite date of yours whether while you were dating or now that you’re married with children?

A. One thing we’ve done since we first met is try a lot of different restaurants wherever we are. From burger joints on the side of the road in Napa to fine dining at one of the many great restaurants in the Bay Area, we’ve always had a great experience.

Throughout our relationship, we’ve grown closer over a great meal. Each 3-hour-long tasting menu or basket of French Fries has given us a memorable story and ideas for our next dates.

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Our First Date

Back in October of 2004, I had braces and Vitaliy had a unibrow. That doesn’t really relate to the story that much, but I wanted to paint the picture for you.

At that time, we were just friends which may have had to do with the braces and unibrow. But more than likely, it had to do with our very first meeting and Vitaliy thinking I was a little crazy. Anyway, our go-to hangout spot was Border’s on Michigan Avenue in downtown Chicago. We’d either look through photography books together or plays cards.

Vitaliy had taught me a Russian card game called Durak. It quickly became a favorite and we played it all the time. One day we decided to take our competition to a new level and made a bet. Whoever lost the next round of Durak had to treat the other person to dinner. Vitaliy always lost so I knew the odds were in my favor.

A few days later, I found myself on the L headed to China Town. Vitaliy had lost and was taking me to get Korean. I remember being a nervous wreck inside. I could tell that our sweet and safe friendship was beginning to take a turn towards something more romantic which in my mind was petrifying. Though I didn’t feel ready to be in a relationship, I also didn’t want to stop hanging out with Vitaliy. We joked about him losing the bet, but I could tell this was a real date. And for the first time ever I felt nervous around him.

A couple years ago, Vitaliy and I were talking about this dinner. Over the years, we’ve often wondered the date of this fateful night. Then out of nowhere, Vitaliy came across an old receipt from our favorite Korean restaurant in Chicago. I had my doubts, I mean who has a receipt from 9 years ago? Vitaliy does! I shouldn’t have been surprised, he’s a pretty sentimental guy. Sure enough, it was the receipt from our very first date. And that’s when we discovered it was on Halloween.

Along with today being Halloween, it is also the 9 year anniversary of our first date. Vitaliy likes to remind me that it was 9 years ago today that I used chopsticks for the first time. I suppose his romantic sentimental side is a bit selective.

So, Happy Halloween to you! And happy first date to us! Does these mean I get to eat extra amounts of candy to celebrate? I know it does mean we need some kimchi in our life today.

Candace dressed up as Cat Stevens and Vitaliy dressed up as a cowboyThese were our five minute Halloween costumes this year. Can you guess who I am?
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Making Things Happen

Vitaliy and I just took our last foreseen trip of the year and I couldn’t be happier to be home, sleep in my own bed, and get back to a normal routine.

A few months ago, Vitaliy and I tried to decide how to celebrate turning 30. After brainstorming, we mutually decided on attending the Making Things Happen conference. We wanted to start this new decade with a plan and a purpose. And we wanted to make an investment in ourselves. MTH fulfilled both of these expectations. 

Since returning home, I have tried multiple times to explain to people what MTH actually is from an attendee’s perspective. And to be honest, I still don’t feel like I have a concrete explanation. Nor do I feel like the ones I’ve given have done it justice. It’s also very difficult to describe all that I feel I gained from attending. The one thing I do know is that this is the first conference I left knowing without a doubt it was worth my investment.

The funniest thing about the conference is that Vitaliy was one of three men out of about 60 attendees. And this is a conference that basically requires transparency and vulnerability. And in a room full of mainly women, there were a lot of tears. A lot. But he rolled with it all and left with everything he hoped to get out of it, and more. I did as well.

And I will leave it at that! Instead of sharing everything I learned, I want to get to doing everything I learned. And I hope it reflects here and encourages all of you.

Big thanks to Lara Casey, Emily Ley, Gina Zeidler, and all the other amazing speakers and volunteers! Making Things Happen is a real gift to so many. I’m happy to be a recipient of your stories, experience and wisdom. Thank you for continuing to give and give.

Making things happen 2013 notebook and Southern Weddings magazine
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