If you have been reading along for awhile now, you know that our marriage started during very difficult circumstances.
We were navigating through some of life’s hardest challenges (i.e. death, a big move, parenting, etc) all at once. Long, difficult conversations were necessary and they occurred regularly. It was the only way we were able to stay connected and continue fighting together against the odds. But a pattern began to emerge and thankfully Vitaliy caught it early on.
We started noticing that whenever we had serious conversations late in the evening, they usually didn’t end well and progress wasn’t made. It’s hard to think clearly or argue well when you’re tired. So, Vitaliy suggested we implement a new rule for our marriage:
No serious conversations after 9pm.
At first, I hated this rule. Vitaliy would throw it out in the middle of a conversation, when he could sense where things were headed, and it infuriated me. How could he stay so calm? How could he go to bed without resolving this? But we kept the rule and I slowly began to see the pattern I wasn’t able to see earlier.
And now, almost 10 years into our marriage, I have a feeling this rule has saved us many times from unnecessary fights or hurting each other with our words. It’s not about avoiding the difficult conversations or just “letting it go”, it’s about holding off until we’re both able to invest our very best into the conversation.
So, that’s it, our little marriage tip, no serious discussions after 9pm. It will prevent a world of miscommunication and unnecessary arguments.
What about you…any little marriage tips or rules you and your spouse follow that you swear by? Leave me a note!
Photo from 2010