Knowing when to fight is just as important as knowing how to fight.
For some reason, I tend to want to have serious conversations late at night. They never end well because they stir up emotions which aren’t handled well when you don’t have the energy needed. This became an issue for us and thankfully I heeded my husband’s advice and we no longer have serious discussions of any kind late at night.
Knowing when to fight is just as important as knowing how. There is so much wisdom in this quote. Too much to unravel all in one blog post, but I’ll simply address the first portion of the quote – knowing when to fight. If you are continually struggling in the same areas of your relationship, I’d recommend starting to deal with them offensively instead of defensively. Here’s what I mean.
Let’s say that you and your spouse constantly fight about whose turn it is to do the dishes, take out the trash, or do the laundry. Don’t wait until the heat of the moment when both of you are too tired to communicate in love. Set aside a night when you can both emotionally and mentally prepare yourselves and have the difficult and much needed discussion then. Together, discuss and make a plan for who will do what and when. Try the plan out for awhile and reconvene if things still aren’t working until you find a plan that fits.
We had to apply this tactic recently ourselves. Vitaliy and I realized that we could potentially start having serious conflict about finances. Instead of waiting for the conflict, we decided to respond offensively. We now set aside every Monday night with another couple and are currently going through the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace series. Making this investment for our relationship and the future of our family has been huge. We’re becoming more and more unified when it comes to our finances.
What are you struggling with in your relationship or marriage? Be proactive instead of reactive and pick the right time to have the difficult discussions you need to have. Don’t avoid the problem and hope it will go away. Do the work. Be intentional. And make your marriage happen!