Vitaliy and I are starting to feel the effects a little one can have on a marriage relationship.
The lack of energy left at the end of the day to give to each other, or the beginning of the day. Or the middle of the day! You get the point, always tired. The constant concern when leaving your little one with a babysitter. The little time available to just be “us” again. Me and him. Candace and Vitaliy. I miss it. I miss him.
Though it’s to be expected, I’m not giving up. We just have to think differently, we just need to get creative. I think one of the biggest lies in marriage is “once we get through this difficult season, we’ll be able to focus more on our marriage.” It’s a lie because life is hard no matter the season. Some seasons are just harder than others. It’s true that we are not able to invest as much in the current season we’re in, but we can invest something. Believe me, I’m tempted to wait until Rose is older, not as needy, sleeps better, etc. But the more I neglect my marriage, the more I neglect Vitaliy, the worse off our relationship is going to be. And when we do decide to face things, to do the hard work, it’s going to be a lot more work then if we simply tend to things now, bit by bit, date by date.
Date night is not about the activity. Date night is about making the investment, making the connection, doing the hard work to cultivate a healthy and strong relationship. Use the activity as means of connection, but don’t get stuck there. Depending on the season you’re in, do what your relationship needs most. It might be a fun night out or it might be having a necessary discussion or it might be staying home in bed (if you know what I mean!).
The goal is to think differently about date night. Date night as boyfriend and girlfriend is about getting to know each other and developing your relationship. Date night in marriage is about cultivating and deepening your relationship. Whatever you do, don’t wait. Do something, no matter how small, this week.
This is the second in a three part series to get us to Think Different About Date Night. You can read the first part, Pre-Planning For Date Night.